greatest news at a perfect time

so i got cleared to to get my brace yesterday and got fitted for it today :). just as i was startin to plunge into the puddle of self pity i get word that i have met my 3rd goal of gettin my brace. the first was walking and then running. and my brace is gonna be uber cool. but i still got a long way to go. i got to get 95% of my strength back in 3 months cuz that was a deal i made with one of the athletic trainers.

dude its been almost two months since i last wrote. i have struggled to keep focus on my prize. at the point of my surgery a year of rehab seemed possible, but now that i am 6 months exactly today it seems so far away the closer i get to being back on the court. like normal some days i want to get back on the court and play again, but then there are also the days that all i want is to be disqualified from bball.

last time i wrote practice was about to start, well kind of...oct 16. i have since started running/jogging, bunny hopping and adding more weight to all lower body exercises. i am havin a hard time gettin through my workouts even with my ipod accompanying me. my workouts are the same every darn day.

oh yea...i was told that although i am 6 months out of surgery my muscle and ligaments are only about 4 months out cuz i was on crutches for 2 months, but then because im working so hard to get back to my strength before the injury i am a month ahead of what the doctors expected. so i guess thats good news, but i am still freakin months behind where i want to be, darn ocd!!!!!

the thing that is causin all my struggles is that games are startin this comin week, nov 9 and 13. its soooooo sad :(

now i am lmao watchin the hangover!!!!!

uhhhhh......

well where do i start. its been a few weeks since i've wrote. i really dont want to do anything. i really want to just lay around, sleep and nothing. usually that is very hard for me to do. i dont really know why i am doin this, but right now i am settling with my summer want long enough. there could always be a different reason. it wouldnt surprise me if that was the issue.

so school started the 24th...i think. i havent done much reading for any of my classes. i have no interest for any of it. i am just done, yet i still have 4 more yrs of school. thats if i want to use all of my eligibility up.

i go through days where i want to work hard and check things off my list and then there are other days where i want to just take a long deserved break. i know there are no days off in life, but sometimes i wish mine was just easier. i get sick and tired of being mentally tough and acting like everything is ok cuz i dont want anyone to know what is really goin on in my life. i cant remember a day where i could just relax and be myself. the real me, not the actor.

and no one try to guess what my secret is cuz even if you do i wont tell. then again you may know, cuz i told you.

well that was a serious tangent. but my life has definitely taken a turn, not totally for the worse cuz i can handle it...most of the time. sometimes it gets a little out of hand. i definitely had an interesting weekend last week. it started with last saturday, the day before the team camping trip i fell into an unexpected depression. i didnt want to be around anyone, do anything and i especially didnt want to think. i really wanted to roll up in a ball and cry. the problem was i wanted to ball my eyes out, but for the past few years i have not been able to get a few tears at a time. it takes a lot of work just to get them out :( cuz i couldnt deal with my problem myself so i called a friend of mine. somehow he was able to get me out of my funk enough to go to the team camping trip the next morning.

the trip was ok. we went out to beaver mountain in logan canyon. it was camping for divas. there were 2 bathrooms, a full kitchen, bbq, fire pit and a yurt. it kinda surprises me, a city girl, enjoys real camping with only tents and some food not the fake stuff that has everything ya need to live right near the tent thing. i was good but frustrated from the trip. i wanted to bond naturally with the team not have to do all these bonding exercises. the entire team was stuck in the middle of nowhere with no cell service to talk to others or a car to get away. what else would we do all break up and somehow not talk to certain people? i find that hard to do in such a small setting.

i also managed to get on coach's bad side on the trip. i messed up a camp fire game near the end of it (cuz it bored me and i lost focus). then in the morning at like 730am, people were being really loud outside. i thought food was ready. so i opened the door to the yurt and asked if the food was ready. coach told me no, so i closed the door and tried to sleep some more. it was impossible to sleep with all the noise from people talking. so i went outside and hang with all the awake people. and eventually managed to get the look. i dont suggest that.

i was fine until this afternoon. i once again do not want to be around anyone or do anything. my knee is buggin me cuz of the darn scar tissue behind my knee cap. i work my arse off and it is getting frustrating cuz i am getting no results. somehow my right leg ends up being more tired than my left (the one i hurt). i once again want to cry and cant. i want my life to easier. yet i know that is never going to happen. i guess an easy life wouldnt have been entertaining enough for me. life shouldnt be boring. i do have regrets, but they arent from not doing something.

whoo hoo!!!!!!

so yesterday i got news i can run, well actually to fast walk/jog, and today i did that for the first time in over 4 months. :)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! super happy

oh and this was the first week of school, and i am already behind on reading. oops!!! im so bummed i actually have to read my books for my classes. DAG NABBIT!

and preseason stuff for bball start next week. im so sad im gonna miss conditioning...no im never going to miss that. i only mss playing bball and being able to do whatever i want to do. i cant stand being told what i can and cant do or how i should act. sorry just had to let that frustration out.

1st day of school

ugh!!! my day started with me waking up at 845 am and still hasn't ended, technically. i had 2 classes from 930-1120 am, physical therapy from end of class til 1255, team meeting at 1-3 (in actuality it ended at 325ish), had another class at 330-415, picked up my books under my pseudonym chelsea barns (only system in the world i'm know as this, don't know why), talked to lorie to get an understanding of what i'm suppose to do for pt now that class has started, went to the grocery store and was finally able to put my feet up and relax. that was until i made baked mac and cheese again. it came out a lot better than the last time i tried. i am such a great procrastinator. i have not cracked my books open yet to read. i should probably get on that. i don't need to start the year behind cuz i can guarantee that will eventually happen a all the stuff starts to pile on. gah lee i can't wait til i'm done with school, but then i have to get a...JOB!!!!!!!!!!!!

ummm....

well i planed on writing every day of the road trip , but obviously i did not. i really suck at writing on this thing on a regular basis...ugh!

so after i went to the l.a. area to visit my grandma on my dads side and all the aunts, uncles and cousins for scrumdidlaliumpshous tacos, we drove up to san luis obisbo. i saw my moms sister and her family. we had dinner and all that comes with that occasion. and then the next morning we drove up to san jose. and guess what....saw more family. we stayed in san jose for a couple of days. when we got into san jose i was on my wits end with everything that has to do with california. then we were off the berkley. WOW!!!!! i dont like the city. its so cabobled and too city like. its pretty much everything i cant stand that has to do with a town i would want to live in. at this point if i wasnt so cheap i would have moved my ticket to leave that very moment.

i am so glad to be back in logan. it is my home. and where my family lives is exactly that, where they live. i think i have officially decided that i do not want to live anywhere in cali. there is something i just cant stand.

ahhhhh!!!! im super tire. good night....or should i say good morning?

road trip!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! day 1

so from aug 6-11 my family was in town. first my mom and brother showed up and then the 9th my dad flew out. their job was to move me from one apartment to another. im still not allowed to lift much weight. i have a max of 40 lbs over my body weight. makes me feel ubber ridiculously weak, especially when i am in the weight room and i have to carry one dumbbell at a time if its 22.5 or over.

we all flew home the night of the 11th. i visited my few friends i still have in the san diego area and totally relaxed in the house. i stayed up late/early every night and slept til my alarm goes off or it got to bright in my room like at about noon. it is sad to say, for my family's sake, i dont miss home and i enjoy being on my own, with friends in Logan.

well anyways today we packed everything in my gramps honda odyssey and you could still see out the back window. now, my brother is going to college. this whole road trip is to take him to cal berkley and there is a lot of room in the back of the car for luggage. i think he only has enough clothes to wear every article of clothing in about 2 weeks. i think my dad scared him with the little amount of room he would have in his dorm room. i was able to fit about 5x the clothes and stuff....then again there were only 2 people in my room not 3. i mean you just make it all fit....maybe thats why i hated cleaning my room...

so we were suppose to leave by 10 am, at least thats what mom wanted, but we ended up leaving at 1130. not surprising. at least i was ready by 10 cuz if i was the one holdin everyone back i woulda got yelled at...most likely. once we got in the car, we were on our way to cammarrillo. we first had to stop at King's Hawaiian BBQ for lunch. got chicken katsu, my fav. then out of the blue my mom wanted to meet with a family that we havent seen in years. it was not part of the original plans cuz she didnt put they live in la and we are driving through, together. we did not reach cammarrillo until about 5 and tacos were at 6ish. all the aunts and uncles came along with all but one cousin. we caught up on all the college life stories and how the parents are dealing with us gone. we did that for a few hours. the only time the dinner table was quiet was when we were shoving down the tacos down our throats. everything was loads of fun. i wish i could hang with the extended fam way more often, but all the sports and life schedules dont match..........EVER!!!!!

oh as for the knee....im not doing anything stupid anymore. i promised jess. but i have not been doin too much pt. hope that does not set me back too far. then again i have a year to get back to strength. dont worry i will still be working my a$$ off to get back on the court. i just needed a simple break

new twist in life...not really

so i finally got a job, but i get teased about it constantly. i guess you could say its my first job -ish. my senior yr i worked at the local rec center on saturdays, but everyone that i hang with say it doesnt count because i didnt do anything. i thought a paycheck that you get cuz you worked counts as work. you learn something new everyday. so what i do now is clean a friend's house with pe. its not considered work cuz i can clean the house whenever i want, there are no set hours. i can show up and leave as many times as i want til the job is done. my kind of job :) it works with the hectic basketball schedule.

i would say everyone i tell i have a job they go in shock. they cant believe i have some sort of job, if they will even call it that. poppy kosh I HAVE A JOB!!!!!! it only took me and pe about 4 trips to the house and about 4 hours to finish. we had to find all the stuff for cleaning and then we had issues figuring out the vacuum. the guy had a central vacuum system. the filter is in the garage and the vacuum hose plugged into the wall. WEIRD!!! so i vacuumed the downstairs and the stairs without the hose plugged in, thinking it was doin its job. we then left the house after completin the downstairs, or at least we thought we did. at least i used the right vacuum.

the next day we went back to finish the upstairs and we debated which vacuum to use. i ended up using the steamer. oops! it looked like a normal vacuum, at least more than the actual vacuum. tricky! while i was steaming, thinking i was vacuuming pe was doing something. i cant really remember. oh she was dusting stuff. we finished that and left thinking we were completely done. guess again :)

pe ended up talking to jensen that same day about the whole cleaning thing and somehow the vacuum thing got brought up. he began to talk about how you just plug the vacuum into the wall, therefore hooked up to the central vacuum system. what the heck is that?!

so that same night pe, alice and i went back to the house to try to find that darn plug in and how the vacuum worked. alice made both pe and i feel really stupid cuz she found it so fast...and then called us stupid cuz we didnt know what we were even looking for. later we found out she had no idea what was one except she had one in her aussie house. not fair!!! we've only seen a vacuum that gets plugged into an outlet and does everything else on its own. oh yea we also realized the bathrooms didnt get cleaned. oops, not good.

so then the next day we were only expecting to clean the bathrooms and then leave and finally be done :) didn't happen. instead before we showed up we found out i vacuumed the entire upstairs with the darn steamer. so guess what i got to do...yep revacuum all the upstairs. we officially finished the house. it took about 4 hours, but should have only taken about 3 except we had to redo a lot of stuff.

the rest of the week was full of weights, physical therapy, sleep and relaxation in front of the tv. im super interesting...not

always forgetting to write in my blog

so as you know i had a friend come out to logan and she was gonna stay till the 23rd, but she caught the flu and ended up flying back home early on monday afternoon instead of thursday night. what a bummer!!!

somehow i ended up driving her to the airport and back on about 2 hours of sleep. thank goodness i had a friend in the car with me so that i did not fall asleep, cuz i could have. i do not suggest doing that. oh yea, and i pulled 2 all nighters the 2 previous nights. once again not a good idea.

on tuesday i went to the oquirrh mountain temple open house. my parents don't know i went, but if they read this they will know. i would not say it is one of the most beautiful temples i have seen, but it is definitely one of them in the sense of all buildings. the san diego one definitely out shines this one. the inside though was gorgeous!!!! although i do not understand why the inside of the buildings are so secretive. even to members. to be to each level you have to be cleared. what really designates someone cleared? they could be lying out of their a$$. but anyways i'm not gonna dig a deeper hole than i have already started to.

then on wednesday i slept the rest of the day after getting back from physical therapy at about 130ish. my plan was to finish a complete draft of my voices paper. did not happen, not even close. it would have to wait til 2mrw. oopsies!!!

so Thursday could hardly wait for. i know i sound crazy. but i have been waiting since last summer to finally do this. i went to an ogden raptors' baseball game. i have a family friend on the team and he was able to get tickets reserved for me and some friends (alice and pe came with). the 2 of them left early cuz pe wanted to play church ball and al was ready for bed...already at 9pm. she's an early bird. well being the only one at the game i just left right after it ended cuz i was there alone. im not one that will just walk up to someone and say "hi, im so and so." i have to warm up to people.

i drove back from ogden to logan and immediately began to finish up my paper. if i did not get it done before the weekend, it would have never gotten done because i was goin somewhere in wyoming near jackson hole and the snake river. i know that is not really that descriptive, but its the best i can do. directions and i dont mix very well. we are like water and oil, it will barely mix if its stirred but the moment the stirring stops it separates.

anyways, OH MY GOSH!!!! the trip was a blast. i was expecting to hate everything about it. i tend to do that with anything in wyoming or outdoors. somehow i come off as this outdoorsy/tough girl, but in reality i am a big time city girl. i have no idea how i pull this off. im at least learning to appreciate the outdoors. its a very slow process.

o have no idea where i am at. i think the weekend camping trip. well we went rafting on the snake. i didnt do that...officially. i lied out during their first run on a large group of rocks near the lunch counter (its a rapid on the snake), but i was asked to be at the big kahuna. oops!!! my one and only job while they went rafting was to take pictures. i was only able to get one pic of the second raft that came through. i wasnt paying much attention and i wasnt near the camera when they floated by. i was working on my last essay for engl 2010. it was due the coming monday. ugh, homework. anyways now i'm done :) but yea. the next run i went a little on the dangerous side, but thankfully i came out ok :) thankfully, but it was loads of fun. i need to still live my life. its been getting way toooo boring.

as for my knee:
monday - i am officially done with the stupid quad contractions :) it was a big waste of 15 minutes
tuesday - jogged for 20 minutes :)
wednesday - no more lateral cones :) i cant stand them. instead i get stupid weight machine 4 ways
today - did nothing special, just talked to kevin the entire time and the workout went by really quickly

i need to remember to update this more on a daily thing. trying to up date it days at a time takes too much effort and my ADD kicks in, rather quickly. i dont even know if any of this makes sense cuz its all sooo random.

pretty fun weekend

well this past saturday i got to go SHOPPING!!!!!!!! at nordstrom's. supper fun. i got 2 new pairs of shorts and a dress (really cute) and some tanks in very pertty colors :) oo and i got a new pair of chucks. they are pretty cool looking. they have the chalk drawings all over them.

after my shopping spree i went to the salt lake airport to pick up a friend, danielle. after an hour and 1/2 drive to logan we chilled, slept and then eventually made it to the grocery store (i've been needing to get food for a while).

while the sun was out we came up with the idea to go float the canal :) we didn't get our butts there until 1030/11 pm and it was really dark. all the walls, rocks and bushes were like a shadow. all that could be seen were the outlines of everything. every one maneged it pretty well...except for me. i somehow fell backwards off of my tube 3 times (the first times ever). by the way i am ok, not that you wanted to know. the first time i was holding my legs up so that they wouldn't hit anything at an awkward position and i went over a bump in the water. if no one stopped me i would have floated the entire canal on my back and would have lost my tube in the process. the next time i fell off was when we were floating down connected somehow we ended up on one of the edges in the bushes. i once again lifted my legs and leaned back a little and to make matters worse someone ran into the back of my tube and it shot out from under me. once again i ended up being submersed in the water. it was not until the end of the float where everyone gets out that i fell off my tube...again. i have never been so cold in my life.

after floating all of us were pretty darn cold so we headed to friends house for hot chocolate and chicken wings. we ended up watchin the movie fired up. after the movie i feel asleep at some point only to be woken up by music blastin from the computer speakers. soon falling back to sleep i woke up to a garage door opening and was up for the rest of the morning past sunrise. i've never done that before. usually i am asleep for good by at least 3am.

after the pretty much all nighter i slept and relaxed in front of the tv and didn't do much else. i eventually got off the couch in front of the tv to go to a friends house for sunday dinner. it was pretty good. there was some sort of chicken and a risotto thing and salad. then we talked for a while, played cards and started to watch a movie, but went home pretty much as soon as it was starting to check up on danielle. she hasn't been felling very well :(

she might actually go home 2mrw instead of thursday as planned. i feel like i have kind of left her on her own. i feel bad...like really bad. i hope she at least had a good time on the trip. otherwise i would feel really bad.

cant wait for weighs 2mrw morning at 6am...only 3 and 1/2 hrs til i need to wake up...that's if i make it asleep. UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

no idea what's going on

i really cant remember what my knee has been doing the last couple of days. i've been more interested in investigating whether or not i will be able to actually raft on the green or snake rive next weekend. we won't know which one we are going to til the last minute. blah blah blah!!! man my summer sucks/blows big time!!!! i want to do things i want to do when and where i want to do it. and all i keep hearing in my head like a broken record are all the things i cant do cuz of my damn knee. i want my brace now so i can start living again!!!! i want to play bball again!!!

i guess the only way to keep me sane is to look forward to the next thing, not the end result. i think the next thing is running...jumping...pivoting...noncontact bball...bball and oh yea redshirt falls in somewhere in there with no hopes to play again until march, april or may. in short............someday in the long, faraway future

last week and a half

so pretty much the only cool thing i have done in the last week and 1/2 has been floating the canal (don't think i'm technically allowed to this yet). i have only gone 6 times :). i'm freakin addicted!!! but it is soooo calming!!! it's like taking an ice bath and after it you feel relaxed and refreshed.

i also started weights. it totally sucks. i have to get up at 530am to get there by 6...ugh!!! i never get enough sleep on those nights. just last night i didnt go to bed until 3am and then had to be up for weights the same morning. not smart...at all!!! i've been making up my sleep all day...after we floated the canal...twice :). super fun.

the first time i went on the canal with my guy freinds had me convinced that there was a 15 foot waterfall. it was soooo bad i was about to cry the further we floated. i was worried about my knee. what if i wasnt able to land it and i feel out of my tube awkwardly? but that was all after i hit dustin's sunglasses off his face in to the water. he maade me sit off to the side of the canal while he searched for them. after the first time he searched the tunnel area i told him to look further down it, but his stubborn, stupid head kept looking in the same area like 3 times. by the time he gave up looking for them and i was shivering we started floating again. he found his glasses about 30 more yards down the canal. I TOLD YOU DUFUS!!! it physics (or at least some kind of dcience). with the current and the weight of sunglasses they wont imediately sink to the bottom. it will sink with a curve, as the glasses sink, the current pushes it further with the current. DUH!!!!!!!!!!! and then further down the canal my tube started to float into the rocks on the side, so i pushed off of them. well i guess i pushed a little too hardcuz i bummed into dustin and he hit a sharp part of the cemment wall. his tube popped. there is now a hole the size of a quarter on it. whoopsies!!!! not my fault though :)

oh as for my knee i now have 146 degrees of motion and am movin along in my rehab program. and i am dooin only upper body wieght workouts. im not even allowed to carryy dumbells heavier that 7.5 lbs to my station (a bench). any heavier and i have to ask for someone to get them for me. i feel like a lame duck sometimes, but its slowly getting better :)

i have no idea what week number i am at for my knee. i stopped counting after 8 weeks. the numbers got to big and i have no idea when my next landmark date is...so there is no week to count down to. i'm still months away from even thinking of playing basketball again...

july 4th weekend (delayed i know)

so last time i wrote anything was before i headed out to Kemmerer, WY for the july 4th weekend. omgosh that was an amazing trip in every possible way. first off i have never been to any part of wyoming and really never thought i would in my entire life. my standards of the state were very low (maybe thats why i liked it so much). i always made fun of my friends that are from that state. usually made some stupid comment about how as a state they dont even earn a representative (they get it out of pitty), or how its the shit hole of america, pretty much it all runs under the subject of NO ONE LIVES THERE. not even dick cheney!!! they didnt even know of him til he showed up on the ballot.

anyways back to the weekend. i went to wyoming and loved it to my surprise. we went to a bbq the night alice, Pay and i drove in. the next morning was the 4th. we were suppose to be out of the house by 10am to go cliff jumping, or at least that was what was planned the night before everyone went to bed. well i woke up at 10 (actually 955)and freaked out. i thought we may have been left (at least it wouldnt surprised me if we were). i walked as fast (my version of running) as i could up the stairs...and they were just sitting there waiting for breakfast. whew! so i went back down stairs and woke up al and pay. they didnt want up (they thought it was 2am hahaha). we were staying in the basement. there were no windows or source of light unless we turned one on. pitch black, perfect for sleeping :)

we finally made it upstairs and had a wonderful breakfast (crapes) made by Dustin's (the friend's house we stayed at) dad.i only had...three (2 with only syrup and one with strawberries and whipcream...amazing)and several peices of bacon. i ate soooo much that if i had one more bite i would have puked...yuck.

after breakfast we headed out to the lake/resivior to go cliff jumping. oh and on our way we went on mostly dirt roads so we could shoot (and kill if you had aim...i didnt) prairie dogs. the 2 boys that came killed one each and it only took them each a shot. since i never have even touched a gun in my life, i got to shoot at a piece of trash as my target. i think i shot about 5 feet over my intended target. oopps!!!! they say part of that was cuz i juped when i shot (i blamed it on my eyes and no balance). but with the whole gun thing i didnt know what to expect. i didnt even know how to hold it (it was a 22 i think a rifle thing, not the hand gun. personally i thought that was the only kind of 22) and was expecting a lot more kick back from it, but there was none. after about an hour and a half we made it to the lake. all the girls finished their sunscreening while the boys went searching for the "spot" for cliff jumping.

i was planning to only layout on the truck, but that got boring really quickly. so i decided to climb down (not thinking about the climb up) and floated in a tube while every, well almost everyone (alice didnt even move from the truck). i dont blame her the water was gross. it was green cuz of all the algea that grew on the surface. after everyone was done jumping we headed back to the house to wash up and get ready for the night. i ran into a problem. i forgot to pack enough clothes :| so i borrowed some from pay. while everyone was washin up we played card games. you would have been so proud of me i didnt cheat on any of them :) we then had dinner. all i remember about it was there were 2 types of chicken. i think i only remember that cuz that was really all i ate. then we palyed a board game, settler of...something. i had no idea how to play but i was in second place before we headed out to see the fireworks.

we drove into town to see the city's show, but really to see all the families set them off. the best show including the city's was put on by the Wagners. i would go back to kemmerer just to watch it again (just might, wont know until it gets closer though). i also set off fireworks for the first time ever. the first one was scary cuz i didnt know what to expect. twice through the night the group we were with set off 2 M80s (pretty much a 1/2 stick off dynomite). super scary. no one ever warned me when they were set off and both times i dove to the ground and covered my head (like when an explosion in the movies happens and everyone ducks and covers). my knee didnt like me after that. dont think it can handle any quick movements yet.

the fireworks in town all ended at about 11pm and we headed back to the house. pay wanted to leave and get home as soon as possible. i just wanted to sleep. it was a busy day for someone who just started walking (officially) 3 days ago (as of july 4th). but she got her way since she was the driver. so we headed out with some resistance from Dustin. he could probly fortell that we were gonna get lost on the way home since he knew the roads and how well we didnt. even with that we decided to leave. we "would" get home at 1am, no big deal.

well the roads we not lit at all. the only sources of light were our high beams and the moon. not only did we have to worry about not falling asleep (cuz if i did then most likely so would pay), but also all the stupid animals. we came close to hittin 7-10 deer, one badger or wolverine (we dont know) and we hit a bunny. pay yelled uh oh and i just thought she didnt see one of thos cattle things, but it was actually a bunny that jetted out as we drove by.

we started off fine and in the correct direction. it wasnt until we were near Bear Lake (i believe 12 miles away) that we had a problem. pay saw a sign that said Logan and an arrow pointing left, so she turned. it wasnt until we were driving for about 15 mins in the wrong direction that i commented about seeing something about Bear Lake in 12 miles at the same point that we turned. we just wanted to get home so we didnt turn around (we probly should have if we had any idea of what we were about to go through). the drive was suppose to only take about 2 hours. we would go from kemmerer to bear lake to logan. but by taking the wrong turn we went from kemmer to randalf to woodruff to huntsville through the cache national forest to ogden to logan. it was the longest possible way we could have taken. it ended up taking us 3 1/2 hours to get home. we had no idea where we were going. we just knew that somehow there was still a way to logan whatever roads we took that were in a similar direction.

i was so tired that at one point in the cache national forest i was getting delutional. i thought the reflector poles were cars coming in our direction. i was wrong. we werent gonna see another car for over 50 miles when we got near a city. the entire time i was praying that we wouldnt get stuck for any reason cuz we didnt go the way that was intended and there was no cell survice. if we got stuck we would have had to wait til morning when Dustin got cell service cuz he went in town for church, but then again if he didnt get a text saying we made it from us it probly wouldnt have crossed his mind that we actually didnt make it. he would have thought i just forgot to sent it (it wouldnt have been the first time).

anyways we made it home at 230. we only stopped once in ogden for a snack (bato's) and directions. the dude in the drive through window didnt even now how to get to logan. its only 30-40 mins away. how the freak do you not know how to get there if you live in Utah? Dang man!!!

yea it was a really, really, really long trip and dustin wont stop making fun of us for it, but it was rather fun since both of us were never really "there" while in the car. we said a lot of stupid stuff and thought everything was really funny...even us getting lost. what do you expect us to do? get mad at the fact that we got lost in the middle of no where? please that ain't our style :)

sleepy right now

i went to my first drive in movie (that i can remember, my mom says i've been to one when i was younger). i went with a couple of friends and saw public enemy and year one. it was one of the last ones to finish up, both movies were about 2 hours. we could have gotten home about 2ish but the driver (TJ) missed the exit to logan so we got off the next one. we then went the wrong way for a good amount of time and then had to turn back. we eventually made it to sardine canyon and got to logan at about 230am. late night/early morning ugh!!!
i'm going to kemmerer, wy (why does it need an extra er?). never been to wy. don't know why i would go there other than some of my friends are from there.
COMPUTER DYING AHHHHGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

hip hip hooray

yea i get to WALK!!! i got official word from dr. king. he told me no brace or crutches. hell yea!!!

now it is the early morning of the next day. i have had a whole day of walking and it is killing me. i have no strength in my leg at all. it SUCKS!!!!!

life sucks...

i sadly cant go to sleep. typical though. every time i cant go to sleep is cuz my mid just wont stop wondering or slow down enough to relax and fall asleep. the worst part of it all is at about midnight i start to get the munchies, usually for goldfish. most of the time i have to settle for something else like a chewy bar or like tonight, Fritos. i do nothing to burn off all the crap food i eat, but i guess in a way it comforts me. so sad :(
i think the things that gets to me the most now is i still have to use a crutch. it is sooo annoying. after all of this is done i just want to burn it all, but the moment i get rid of any of it i will most likely get hurt (Murphy's law). when it strikes it usually strikes hard. so i don't plan on giving any of it back until i use up all of my eligibility. i know it sounds selfish, but it helps my mental state. its not a pretty picture right now. everyday is a struggle whether it appears that way or not on the outside.
i know i may sound super depressed, but its all tolerable. its just how i have learned to deal with life and all of its obstacles. there are plenty of them out there and i just gotta find a way to get through any and every situation.

idaho actually holds entertainment...surprising

yesterday i went to lava hot springs, ID (i thought the city was just called lava. why does it have to be so complicated?) everyone but me went floating down the whatever river flows through lava. i feel like i have to say that for physical therapy cuz they said i wasn't allowed to do anything like that yet. it sucks big time gettin hurt so close to the summer that it limits what i can and cant do.

as for the trip up there, i guess it would be, it was loads of fun even though i was really limited. my trip consisted of laying out at the actual hot springs, carefully climbing some rocks with alice near a pipe from the hot springs that dumps into the river (it was 107 degrees. super hot) and laid out near the stairs that everyone exited the river to go back to the top. at the very end, leeann stopped and i asked her if she would help me float in the river. i felt like a little kid again who didnt know how to swim or at least survive in water. she held my tube while i just sat in it in the calm part of the river. at first i didnt want to get wet, not even a little on my but from sittin in the tube. but thanks to good ol' dustin's surprise attack splash my plan of not gettin wet was shot to heck. the river water was super cold like an ice bath. that was the extent of my floating experience.

at 5 everyone had to turn in the tubes, so they did. someone in the group wanted to get ice cream and since it was the official band wagon day, we got ice cream. we hung out on the curb outside the shop and talked until everyone finished their ice cream. during that time there was an obviously drunk dude that walked by and then about 10/15 minutes latter he some how managed to drive his motorcycle and parked it right in front of us.

i guess (according to tj) the dude said that i needed to get some help. im assuming since i was on crutches walking around with my knee brace on. well duh Sherlock!!! to be honest the reason why it didnt bother me is cuz 1) i didnt hear it 2)he was drunk and 3)it was obvious. i would of just laughed it off and/or said somethin back. as for the ride back we listened to more of my ipod and played the 'i spy' game. we started with stupidly obvious things and eventually advanced to almost abstract stuff.

as we neared logan all of us started to get hungry. no one could agree on a place to eat. we eventually agreed to disagree on the bluebird. lydia came up with the idea and coincidentally she couldnt make it.



as for today, it was a day of rest. no...i did not go to church. i laid around with pay and tried as hard as we could not to move without the burns getttin irritated from the rubbing. but we had to get ready eventually (6pm) cuz we were having dinner at a friends house. we agreed to have dinner and later learned about the missionary visit. we stayed for the experience and also it was just too close to the end of the dinner. the guy was super cute and from sweeden. he was an atheist converted mormon (why couldnt he have picked a different religion? wait...then we wouldnt have met him. oh well) it was kind of funny in the sense that the 2 non-mormons in the group one answered the questions right and the other had the closing prayer. it was definitely an interesting experience and there is a lot of pressure on you to agree to meet them again even if you werent interested to begin with. especially if there are so many eyes just waiting for you to agree to meet the missionary again and in the faaaarrrrrrrrr future get baptised. well it is something i can at least say i did in my life and as of now don't plan on doing again.

catching up

i have had a busy past few days with traveling and just trying to regroup.

wednesday (6/10)- well this day was extremely busy. i was almost late to my 950am english 2010 class. it doesnt sound very early , but for me right now anything before 11 is early. so i went to english class like any good student and have no idea what she talked about during the class. then i rushed to physical therapy right after class and finished at about 1. that left me about a half hr to finish packing (i'm such a good procrastinator). pay and i left and stopped at the wendy's on main in logan cuz i didnt have time for lunch yet. i ordered a jr bacon cheese burger (no bacon, plain) and and chicken nuggets (with bbq sauce). when i got the order, the burger had bacon and i didnt get the bbq sauce. 5 minutes later we passed another wendy's conveniently going out of town. it was much funnier if you were there of course :) it gets even better...i get to the air port and ask for curbside assistance (i was sitting in the car so all they could see was from my shoulders up) they told me they couldnt help me. i tried to figure out how i was going to get to my flight and every way failed. About 10 mins later i asked again but for a wheelchair, not assistance. And I got one J so I get to my gate and am just chillin waitin for them to start the boarding process to leave for san diego at 435pm. I checked it occasionally just cuz that was how bored I was. The last time I checked it the board said the flight was canceled and there was no announcement of it. I called my mom immediately to make sure it wasn’t a joke. I don’t know why I thought that cuz the airport is the last place any worker would crack a joke with a passenger. So that plane cancelation started all the chaos trying to get home. Since my flight was cancelled I was put on stand by for a 730 flight and on a 9pm flight into san diego (tickets 2 and 3, and 4 cuz I had to change my seat), but I had a dinner to get to so I needed to get home as soon as possible. My parents were able to find a flight at 735 into long beach (ticket 5), so I switched. It ended up getting delayed til 947pm cuz there were thunder storms in pheniox and it couldn’t take off. I was not gonna wait that long if I didn’t have to. So I tried to get back on to the 9 o’ clock fight to san diego, but by then it was over booked by 7. Bummer! I then asked to fly into orange county and that lead to some phone calls because I was changing my destination again. I was able get a ticket (6 and 7 for the seat change). By the time I got on a plane to head home it was about 830pm for a 905 flight into orange county and 7 boarding passes later. I only was able to keep 6 of them though L

thursday (6/11)-after a very long day yesterday (staying up til 3 don’t know why), all I wanted to do was sleep in. I couldn’t though because I had a manicure and pedicure starting at 9am and then a haircut at 11 and then my family coming over for my brother’s high school graduation at 5 (I think). All I wanted to do was take a nap, but I didn’t want to miss talkin with the family cuz they came from all over cali. I don’t get to see them that much.

I was very jealous of my brother’s graduation cuz he had over 800 students and it only took an hour and a half and mine last year took over 2 hours for 90 people. Damn! At my graduation too many of the speakers liked to hear themselves speak. Then we all went to dinner to celebrate his graduation. He was only there for 20 mins cuz he had to head off to grad night.

friday (6/12)- this was my day. well most of it was anyways. all i had scheduled was a dentist appointment. boring!!! but after it i went straight ti point loma to go see the hangover...again:) with one of my best friends and i got to meet her girlfriend. i was super excited and she was really cool. we ended up walking around the mall for a few hours and then finally made it to the movies. what do expect with a group of girls at the mall?

saturday (6/13)- i think i was actually able to sleep in, but my body didnt allow me to. bummer!!! it was also my brother's grad party. it was held at the local pizza place, that pizza place (yes that is the actual name). it was loads of funand i got to talk to everyone and fill them in with how i am doin. i ended up talking more than i wanted to. i hope my lack of intrest in talking didnt show.

sunday (6/14)- ahhh the flight home. it actuallly went smothly :) all of the people i was forced to interact with were so nice especially compared to my way home. to be honest i did not do one second of physical therapy. not a good idea but oh well i had fun with everyone at home :)

monday (6/15)-me not doing physical therapy probly hurt me in muscle but not in my range of motion. i got 113 degrees!!! whoopy! that was the only highlight of the day since the only other thing i did was go to my english class :(

tuesday (6/16)- I WALKED...in water. it was so much fun even with the water to my chin not allowing my knee to feel any of the weight. i love the pool workouts because it makes me feel independent. and its water...how can i hate water?

friday (6/19)- my doctor's appointment!!! the one that will tell me when i get to walk :) well it started like all the other ones they made sure i could straiten my leg and then had me bend it as far as i could go. i was technically only suppose to be able to get 90 degrees. i was able to get 110, but i got the reaction of "that's all you got?". well yea its 20 degrees over what i should have. i was then told my directions for walking. for the next few days walk with both crutches at 50% weight baring and then got to one until 8 weeks is up. yea!!! but then he called the surgeon. all he said was to be on 2 cruches at 50%. when will i be able to walk? its was suppose to be only 8 weeks of crutches ugh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

thursday (6/25)- i got offical word that i can lose a crutch :) and that at home i can walk as long as tollerable :) yea!!! i hate my crutches. yea they are cool to play with but when it is your only option to get around places it absolutely SUCKS!!! im just super excited to have obvious improvement

friday (6/26)- i actually forgot it was a friday and that physical therapy closed at 12 and i showed up at 1145ish. oops

can i do that?

so today was an amazing day in physical therapy. i had a pool workout and they film me in there for research purposes (someone is writing their thesis on me or i should say my injury and recovery). but any ways after the pool workout i had to do wall slides and then stem and ice. when they measured the amount of degrees (100) my first reaction was: "am i allowed to go that far?" i've only been cleared for 90 degrees by the doctors. but the therapist said it was fine since i wasn't forcing my knee to go further than it wanted to comfortably. then we measured how much i can do without the help of a towel or gravity and i got 98! whoo hoo!!!! more than half way back to normal...in the department of range of motion. the muscles still have a long way to go. so any ways i was just super excited today because i got 10 more degrees than i did yesterday :)

one more day passin by

so...i finally finished my no sew blanket. one side is red with black paw prints and the other is a charlie brown pattern. it looks pretty cool. i tried to make it before i got injured, but that never happened so the material has been just sitting in my closet. it was super time consuming. i dont know how people can just sit and do one task at a time. wow add kicked in after about every 5 minutes. so it only took me 3 days to complete. the only thing i actually got done...and none of it matters other than its really warm. now i just need to figure out a way to get my english 2010 homework done....NAH!!!!!!!!!!

the weekend

so friday i got 90 degrees. it was super painful and someone had to lean on it, but i still got it. i did my physical therapy while also studyin for my last psyc 1010 test ever. YEA! the actual weekend i did nothing productive, like any other weekend. i saw both the hangover, super funny, and the the land of the lost, super stupid. i went to a non lds church for the first time this morning in over a year. i loved it. it reminded me of my home town church. it had up beat music, no hyms. i almost actually would have missed it except for my roommate woke me up. my alarm didnt get saved when i changed it the night before. instead of waking up at 930am i got up 5 minutes after we were suppose to leave, 1015. OOPS!!! but we still got to the church on time...somehow. after church i even made breakfast burritos for myself and a couple of friends. anything that needs me to carry something and also move with it is very complicated and difficult, but i find a way and i'm slowly getting better. tomorrow is the first day of my english 2010 class, 8 more weeks of hell MWF. i think it starts at 950. going to go look that up :)

survived

well my day definitely went better than yesterday. i made it to 85 degrees :). didnt think i would get there. it definitely making 90 seem possible. other than that my life is boring. i do the same thing everyday, go to physical therapy and then class and then chill at my apartment. :)...not the only happy thing happenin' tomorrow is my psyc 1010 class is done, but then on monday english 2010 starts. ugh!!!!!

ugh...

so today was my first break down. im just getting really frustrated not being allowed to walk and just how clueless some people are. if you dint know im hurt this doesnt really apply to you. it would just be nice for people who do know to ask me how im doing (all it takes is a simple text or phone call) or stop by if they are in the area every once in a while. its mostly my knee though. i have to get it to 90 degrees somehow and it will only go an excruciatingly painful 80. and when i ask how to get it further, they say i need to get the swelling out. and when i ask how to get the swelling out, they say walk. well i cant truely walk for another 4 weeks.
and no one try to put yourself into my place cuz you cant unless you yourself has done this too. dont get weird on me, just stay yourself.

yea-ish

so on sunday i dreamed that i was walking. i was wearing my pj's and my huge brace and i just got up and started walking like nothing was wrong. i instantly i woke up and had the hardest time figuring out if i actually walked or if it was only a dream. i figured i didnt since nothing hurt out of the norm. and then today i actually walked...in water up to my chin and with a water belt. i had super fun with my workout until i had to do wall slides. i have to get to 90 degrees and i could only get 78. and it was a very painful and wishful 78. i have no idea how its gonna get to 90. it seems so impossible right now.

weird

yellow. well lets see i just got my bill for my surgery and i find out that just for the stupid putty it cost over $16,000. it must have been for the flight of the putty and for its escort. thank goodness the school is taking care of it since i did it playing official pick up with the girls. and dont worry boys your tuition money is not paying for it. when i read the amount i thought i was adding more numbers in my mind than the ones that were actually on the paper. the bill is so extensive it took two pages.
i think the weirdest part of the experience of not being able to walk is the fact that i have recently started dreaming about it. when i woke up i had a hard time figuring out if i actually got up and walked or if i just dreamed it. i cant even describe how scary it would be if i did walk before i was allowed to. my putty might get messed up and i dont want to go through surgery again. its torture!