greatest news at a perfect time

so i got cleared to to get my brace yesterday and got fitted for it today :). just as i was startin to plunge into the puddle of self pity i get word that i have met my 3rd goal of gettin my brace. the first was walking and then running. and my brace is gonna be uber cool. but i still got a long way to go. i got to get 95% of my strength back in 3 months cuz that was a deal i made with one of the athletic trainers.

dude its been almost two months since i last wrote. i have struggled to keep focus on my prize. at the point of my surgery a year of rehab seemed possible, but now that i am 6 months exactly today it seems so far away the closer i get to being back on the court. like normal some days i want to get back on the court and play again, but then there are also the days that all i want is to be disqualified from bball.

last time i wrote practice was about to start, well kind of...oct 16. i have since started running/jogging, bunny hopping and adding more weight to all lower body exercises. i am havin a hard time gettin through my workouts even with my ipod accompanying me. my workouts are the same every darn day.

oh yea...i was told that although i am 6 months out of surgery my muscle and ligaments are only about 4 months out cuz i was on crutches for 2 months, but then because im working so hard to get back to my strength before the injury i am a month ahead of what the doctors expected. so i guess thats good news, but i am still freakin months behind where i want to be, darn ocd!!!!!

the thing that is causin all my struggles is that games are startin this comin week, nov 9 and 13. its soooooo sad :(

now i am lmao watchin the hangover!!!!!

uhhhhh......

well where do i start. its been a few weeks since i've wrote. i really dont want to do anything. i really want to just lay around, sleep and nothing. usually that is very hard for me to do. i dont really know why i am doin this, but right now i am settling with my summer want long enough. there could always be a different reason. it wouldnt surprise me if that was the issue.

so school started the 24th...i think. i havent done much reading for any of my classes. i have no interest for any of it. i am just done, yet i still have 4 more yrs of school. thats if i want to use all of my eligibility up.

i go through days where i want to work hard and check things off my list and then there are other days where i want to just take a long deserved break. i know there are no days off in life, but sometimes i wish mine was just easier. i get sick and tired of being mentally tough and acting like everything is ok cuz i dont want anyone to know what is really goin on in my life. i cant remember a day where i could just relax and be myself. the real me, not the actor.

and no one try to guess what my secret is cuz even if you do i wont tell. then again you may know, cuz i told you.

well that was a serious tangent. but my life has definitely taken a turn, not totally for the worse cuz i can handle it...most of the time. sometimes it gets a little out of hand. i definitely had an interesting weekend last week. it started with last saturday, the day before the team camping trip i fell into an unexpected depression. i didnt want to be around anyone, do anything and i especially didnt want to think. i really wanted to roll up in a ball and cry. the problem was i wanted to ball my eyes out, but for the past few years i have not been able to get a few tears at a time. it takes a lot of work just to get them out :( cuz i couldnt deal with my problem myself so i called a friend of mine. somehow he was able to get me out of my funk enough to go to the team camping trip the next morning.

the trip was ok. we went out to beaver mountain in logan canyon. it was camping for divas. there were 2 bathrooms, a full kitchen, bbq, fire pit and a yurt. it kinda surprises me, a city girl, enjoys real camping with only tents and some food not the fake stuff that has everything ya need to live right near the tent thing. i was good but frustrated from the trip. i wanted to bond naturally with the team not have to do all these bonding exercises. the entire team was stuck in the middle of nowhere with no cell service to talk to others or a car to get away. what else would we do all break up and somehow not talk to certain people? i find that hard to do in such a small setting.

i also managed to get on coach's bad side on the trip. i messed up a camp fire game near the end of it (cuz it bored me and i lost focus). then in the morning at like 730am, people were being really loud outside. i thought food was ready. so i opened the door to the yurt and asked if the food was ready. coach told me no, so i closed the door and tried to sleep some more. it was impossible to sleep with all the noise from people talking. so i went outside and hang with all the awake people. and eventually managed to get the look. i dont suggest that.

i was fine until this afternoon. i once again do not want to be around anyone or do anything. my knee is buggin me cuz of the darn scar tissue behind my knee cap. i work my arse off and it is getting frustrating cuz i am getting no results. somehow my right leg ends up being more tired than my left (the one i hurt). i once again want to cry and cant. i want my life to easier. yet i know that is never going to happen. i guess an easy life wouldnt have been entertaining enough for me. life shouldnt be boring. i do have regrets, but they arent from not doing something.

whoo hoo!!!!!!

so yesterday i got news i can run, well actually to fast walk/jog, and today i did that for the first time in over 4 months. :)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! super happy

oh and this was the first week of school, and i am already behind on reading. oops!!! im so bummed i actually have to read my books for my classes. DAG NABBIT!

and preseason stuff for bball start next week. im so sad im gonna miss conditioning...no im never going to miss that. i only mss playing bball and being able to do whatever i want to do. i cant stand being told what i can and cant do or how i should act. sorry just had to let that frustration out.

1st day of school

ugh!!! my day started with me waking up at 845 am and still hasn't ended, technically. i had 2 classes from 930-1120 am, physical therapy from end of class til 1255, team meeting at 1-3 (in actuality it ended at 325ish), had another class at 330-415, picked up my books under my pseudonym chelsea barns (only system in the world i'm know as this, don't know why), talked to lorie to get an understanding of what i'm suppose to do for pt now that class has started, went to the grocery store and was finally able to put my feet up and relax. that was until i made baked mac and cheese again. it came out a lot better than the last time i tried. i am such a great procrastinator. i have not cracked my books open yet to read. i should probably get on that. i don't need to start the year behind cuz i can guarantee that will eventually happen a all the stuff starts to pile on. gah lee i can't wait til i'm done with school, but then i have to get a...JOB!!!!!!!!!!!!

ummm....

well i planed on writing every day of the road trip , but obviously i did not. i really suck at writing on this thing on a regular basis...ugh!

so after i went to the l.a. area to visit my grandma on my dads side and all the aunts, uncles and cousins for scrumdidlaliumpshous tacos, we drove up to san luis obisbo. i saw my moms sister and her family. we had dinner and all that comes with that occasion. and then the next morning we drove up to san jose. and guess what....saw more family. we stayed in san jose for a couple of days. when we got into san jose i was on my wits end with everything that has to do with california. then we were off the berkley. WOW!!!!! i dont like the city. its so cabobled and too city like. its pretty much everything i cant stand that has to do with a town i would want to live in. at this point if i wasnt so cheap i would have moved my ticket to leave that very moment.

i am so glad to be back in logan. it is my home. and where my family lives is exactly that, where they live. i think i have officially decided that i do not want to live anywhere in cali. there is something i just cant stand.

ahhhhh!!!! im super tire. good night....or should i say good morning?

road trip!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! day 1

so from aug 6-11 my family was in town. first my mom and brother showed up and then the 9th my dad flew out. their job was to move me from one apartment to another. im still not allowed to lift much weight. i have a max of 40 lbs over my body weight. makes me feel ubber ridiculously weak, especially when i am in the weight room and i have to carry one dumbbell at a time if its 22.5 or over.

we all flew home the night of the 11th. i visited my few friends i still have in the san diego area and totally relaxed in the house. i stayed up late/early every night and slept til my alarm goes off or it got to bright in my room like at about noon. it is sad to say, for my family's sake, i dont miss home and i enjoy being on my own, with friends in Logan.

well anyways today we packed everything in my gramps honda odyssey and you could still see out the back window. now, my brother is going to college. this whole road trip is to take him to cal berkley and there is a lot of room in the back of the car for luggage. i think he only has enough clothes to wear every article of clothing in about 2 weeks. i think my dad scared him with the little amount of room he would have in his dorm room. i was able to fit about 5x the clothes and stuff....then again there were only 2 people in my room not 3. i mean you just make it all fit....maybe thats why i hated cleaning my room...

so we were suppose to leave by 10 am, at least thats what mom wanted, but we ended up leaving at 1130. not surprising. at least i was ready by 10 cuz if i was the one holdin everyone back i woulda got yelled at...most likely. once we got in the car, we were on our way to cammarrillo. we first had to stop at King's Hawaiian BBQ for lunch. got chicken katsu, my fav. then out of the blue my mom wanted to meet with a family that we havent seen in years. it was not part of the original plans cuz she didnt put they live in la and we are driving through, together. we did not reach cammarrillo until about 5 and tacos were at 6ish. all the aunts and uncles came along with all but one cousin. we caught up on all the college life stories and how the parents are dealing with us gone. we did that for a few hours. the only time the dinner table was quiet was when we were shoving down the tacos down our throats. everything was loads of fun. i wish i could hang with the extended fam way more often, but all the sports and life schedules dont match..........EVER!!!!!

oh as for the knee....im not doing anything stupid anymore. i promised jess. but i have not been doin too much pt. hope that does not set me back too far. then again i have a year to get back to strength. dont worry i will still be working my a$$ off to get back on the court. i just needed a simple break