uhhhhh......

well where do i start. its been a few weeks since i've wrote. i really dont want to do anything. i really want to just lay around, sleep and nothing. usually that is very hard for me to do. i dont really know why i am doin this, but right now i am settling with my summer want long enough. there could always be a different reason. it wouldnt surprise me if that was the issue.

so school started the 24th...i think. i havent done much reading for any of my classes. i have no interest for any of it. i am just done, yet i still have 4 more yrs of school. thats if i want to use all of my eligibility up.

i go through days where i want to work hard and check things off my list and then there are other days where i want to just take a long deserved break. i know there are no days off in life, but sometimes i wish mine was just easier. i get sick and tired of being mentally tough and acting like everything is ok cuz i dont want anyone to know what is really goin on in my life. i cant remember a day where i could just relax and be myself. the real me, not the actor.

and no one try to guess what my secret is cuz even if you do i wont tell. then again you may know, cuz i told you.

well that was a serious tangent. but my life has definitely taken a turn, not totally for the worse cuz i can handle it...most of the time. sometimes it gets a little out of hand. i definitely had an interesting weekend last week. it started with last saturday, the day before the team camping trip i fell into an unexpected depression. i didnt want to be around anyone, do anything and i especially didnt want to think. i really wanted to roll up in a ball and cry. the problem was i wanted to ball my eyes out, but for the past few years i have not been able to get a few tears at a time. it takes a lot of work just to get them out :( cuz i couldnt deal with my problem myself so i called a friend of mine. somehow he was able to get me out of my funk enough to go to the team camping trip the next morning.

the trip was ok. we went out to beaver mountain in logan canyon. it was camping for divas. there were 2 bathrooms, a full kitchen, bbq, fire pit and a yurt. it kinda surprises me, a city girl, enjoys real camping with only tents and some food not the fake stuff that has everything ya need to live right near the tent thing. i was good but frustrated from the trip. i wanted to bond naturally with the team not have to do all these bonding exercises. the entire team was stuck in the middle of nowhere with no cell service to talk to others or a car to get away. what else would we do all break up and somehow not talk to certain people? i find that hard to do in such a small setting.

i also managed to get on coach's bad side on the trip. i messed up a camp fire game near the end of it (cuz it bored me and i lost focus). then in the morning at like 730am, people were being really loud outside. i thought food was ready. so i opened the door to the yurt and asked if the food was ready. coach told me no, so i closed the door and tried to sleep some more. it was impossible to sleep with all the noise from people talking. so i went outside and hang with all the awake people. and eventually managed to get the look. i dont suggest that.

i was fine until this afternoon. i once again do not want to be around anyone or do anything. my knee is buggin me cuz of the darn scar tissue behind my knee cap. i work my arse off and it is getting frustrating cuz i am getting no results. somehow my right leg ends up being more tired than my left (the one i hurt). i once again want to cry and cant. i want my life to easier. yet i know that is never going to happen. i guess an easy life wouldnt have been entertaining enough for me. life shouldnt be boring. i do have regrets, but they arent from not doing something.

whoo hoo!!!!!!

so yesterday i got news i can run, well actually to fast walk/jog, and today i did that for the first time in over 4 months. :)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! super happy

oh and this was the first week of school, and i am already behind on reading. oops!!! im so bummed i actually have to read my books for my classes. DAG NABBIT!

and preseason stuff for bball start next week. im so sad im gonna miss conditioning...no im never going to miss that. i only mss playing bball and being able to do whatever i want to do. i cant stand being told what i can and cant do or how i should act. sorry just had to let that frustration out.

1st day of school

ugh!!! my day started with me waking up at 845 am and still hasn't ended, technically. i had 2 classes from 930-1120 am, physical therapy from end of class til 1255, team meeting at 1-3 (in actuality it ended at 325ish), had another class at 330-415, picked up my books under my pseudonym chelsea barns (only system in the world i'm know as this, don't know why), talked to lorie to get an understanding of what i'm suppose to do for pt now that class has started, went to the grocery store and was finally able to put my feet up and relax. that was until i made baked mac and cheese again. it came out a lot better than the last time i tried. i am such a great procrastinator. i have not cracked my books open yet to read. i should probably get on that. i don't need to start the year behind cuz i can guarantee that will eventually happen a all the stuff starts to pile on. gah lee i can't wait til i'm done with school, but then i have to get a...JOB!!!!!!!!!!!!

ummm....

well i planed on writing every day of the road trip , but obviously i did not. i really suck at writing on this thing on a regular basis...ugh!

so after i went to the l.a. area to visit my grandma on my dads side and all the aunts, uncles and cousins for scrumdidlaliumpshous tacos, we drove up to san luis obisbo. i saw my moms sister and her family. we had dinner and all that comes with that occasion. and then the next morning we drove up to san jose. and guess what....saw more family. we stayed in san jose for a couple of days. when we got into san jose i was on my wits end with everything that has to do with california. then we were off the berkley. WOW!!!!! i dont like the city. its so cabobled and too city like. its pretty much everything i cant stand that has to do with a town i would want to live in. at this point if i wasnt so cheap i would have moved my ticket to leave that very moment.

i am so glad to be back in logan. it is my home. and where my family lives is exactly that, where they live. i think i have officially decided that i do not want to live anywhere in cali. there is something i just cant stand.

ahhhhh!!!! im super tire. good night....or should i say good morning?

road trip!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! day 1

so from aug 6-11 my family was in town. first my mom and brother showed up and then the 9th my dad flew out. their job was to move me from one apartment to another. im still not allowed to lift much weight. i have a max of 40 lbs over my body weight. makes me feel ubber ridiculously weak, especially when i am in the weight room and i have to carry one dumbbell at a time if its 22.5 or over.

we all flew home the night of the 11th. i visited my few friends i still have in the san diego area and totally relaxed in the house. i stayed up late/early every night and slept til my alarm goes off or it got to bright in my room like at about noon. it is sad to say, for my family's sake, i dont miss home and i enjoy being on my own, with friends in Logan.

well anyways today we packed everything in my gramps honda odyssey and you could still see out the back window. now, my brother is going to college. this whole road trip is to take him to cal berkley and there is a lot of room in the back of the car for luggage. i think he only has enough clothes to wear every article of clothing in about 2 weeks. i think my dad scared him with the little amount of room he would have in his dorm room. i was able to fit about 5x the clothes and stuff....then again there were only 2 people in my room not 3. i mean you just make it all fit....maybe thats why i hated cleaning my room...

so we were suppose to leave by 10 am, at least thats what mom wanted, but we ended up leaving at 1130. not surprising. at least i was ready by 10 cuz if i was the one holdin everyone back i woulda got yelled at...most likely. once we got in the car, we were on our way to cammarrillo. we first had to stop at King's Hawaiian BBQ for lunch. got chicken katsu, my fav. then out of the blue my mom wanted to meet with a family that we havent seen in years. it was not part of the original plans cuz she didnt put they live in la and we are driving through, together. we did not reach cammarrillo until about 5 and tacos were at 6ish. all the aunts and uncles came along with all but one cousin. we caught up on all the college life stories and how the parents are dealing with us gone. we did that for a few hours. the only time the dinner table was quiet was when we were shoving down the tacos down our throats. everything was loads of fun. i wish i could hang with the extended fam way more often, but all the sports and life schedules dont match..........EVER!!!!!

oh as for the knee....im not doing anything stupid anymore. i promised jess. but i have not been doin too much pt. hope that does not set me back too far. then again i have a year to get back to strength. dont worry i will still be working my a$$ off to get back on the court. i just needed a simple break

new twist in life...not really

so i finally got a job, but i get teased about it constantly. i guess you could say its my first job -ish. my senior yr i worked at the local rec center on saturdays, but everyone that i hang with say it doesnt count because i didnt do anything. i thought a paycheck that you get cuz you worked counts as work. you learn something new everyday. so what i do now is clean a friend's house with pe. its not considered work cuz i can clean the house whenever i want, there are no set hours. i can show up and leave as many times as i want til the job is done. my kind of job :) it works with the hectic basketball schedule.

i would say everyone i tell i have a job they go in shock. they cant believe i have some sort of job, if they will even call it that. poppy kosh I HAVE A JOB!!!!!! it only took me and pe about 4 trips to the house and about 4 hours to finish. we had to find all the stuff for cleaning and then we had issues figuring out the vacuum. the guy had a central vacuum system. the filter is in the garage and the vacuum hose plugged into the wall. WEIRD!!! so i vacuumed the downstairs and the stairs without the hose plugged in, thinking it was doin its job. we then left the house after completin the downstairs, or at least we thought we did. at least i used the right vacuum.

the next day we went back to finish the upstairs and we debated which vacuum to use. i ended up using the steamer. oops! it looked like a normal vacuum, at least more than the actual vacuum. tricky! while i was steaming, thinking i was vacuuming pe was doing something. i cant really remember. oh she was dusting stuff. we finished that and left thinking we were completely done. guess again :)

pe ended up talking to jensen that same day about the whole cleaning thing and somehow the vacuum thing got brought up. he began to talk about how you just plug the vacuum into the wall, therefore hooked up to the central vacuum system. what the heck is that?!

so that same night pe, alice and i went back to the house to try to find that darn plug in and how the vacuum worked. alice made both pe and i feel really stupid cuz she found it so fast...and then called us stupid cuz we didnt know what we were even looking for. later we found out she had no idea what was one except she had one in her aussie house. not fair!!! we've only seen a vacuum that gets plugged into an outlet and does everything else on its own. oh yea we also realized the bathrooms didnt get cleaned. oops, not good.

so then the next day we were only expecting to clean the bathrooms and then leave and finally be done :) didn't happen. instead before we showed up we found out i vacuumed the entire upstairs with the darn steamer. so guess what i got to do...yep revacuum all the upstairs. we officially finished the house. it took about 4 hours, but should have only taken about 3 except we had to redo a lot of stuff.

the rest of the week was full of weights, physical therapy, sleep and relaxation in front of the tv. im super interesting...not

always forgetting to write in my blog

so as you know i had a friend come out to logan and she was gonna stay till the 23rd, but she caught the flu and ended up flying back home early on monday afternoon instead of thursday night. what a bummer!!!

somehow i ended up driving her to the airport and back on about 2 hours of sleep. thank goodness i had a friend in the car with me so that i did not fall asleep, cuz i could have. i do not suggest doing that. oh yea, and i pulled 2 all nighters the 2 previous nights. once again not a good idea.

on tuesday i went to the oquirrh mountain temple open house. my parents don't know i went, but if they read this they will know. i would not say it is one of the most beautiful temples i have seen, but it is definitely one of them in the sense of all buildings. the san diego one definitely out shines this one. the inside though was gorgeous!!!! although i do not understand why the inside of the buildings are so secretive. even to members. to be to each level you have to be cleared. what really designates someone cleared? they could be lying out of their a$$. but anyways i'm not gonna dig a deeper hole than i have already started to.

then on wednesday i slept the rest of the day after getting back from physical therapy at about 130ish. my plan was to finish a complete draft of my voices paper. did not happen, not even close. it would have to wait til 2mrw. oopsies!!!

so Thursday could hardly wait for. i know i sound crazy. but i have been waiting since last summer to finally do this. i went to an ogden raptors' baseball game. i have a family friend on the team and he was able to get tickets reserved for me and some friends (alice and pe came with). the 2 of them left early cuz pe wanted to play church ball and al was ready for bed...already at 9pm. she's an early bird. well being the only one at the game i just left right after it ended cuz i was there alone. im not one that will just walk up to someone and say "hi, im so and so." i have to warm up to people.

i drove back from ogden to logan and immediately began to finish up my paper. if i did not get it done before the weekend, it would have never gotten done because i was goin somewhere in wyoming near jackson hole and the snake river. i know that is not really that descriptive, but its the best i can do. directions and i dont mix very well. we are like water and oil, it will barely mix if its stirred but the moment the stirring stops it separates.

anyways, OH MY GOSH!!!! the trip was a blast. i was expecting to hate everything about it. i tend to do that with anything in wyoming or outdoors. somehow i come off as this outdoorsy/tough girl, but in reality i am a big time city girl. i have no idea how i pull this off. im at least learning to appreciate the outdoors. its a very slow process.

o have no idea where i am at. i think the weekend camping trip. well we went rafting on the snake. i didnt do that...officially. i lied out during their first run on a large group of rocks near the lunch counter (its a rapid on the snake), but i was asked to be at the big kahuna. oops!!! my one and only job while they went rafting was to take pictures. i was only able to get one pic of the second raft that came through. i wasnt paying much attention and i wasnt near the camera when they floated by. i was working on my last essay for engl 2010. it was due the coming monday. ugh, homework. anyways now i'm done :) but yea. the next run i went a little on the dangerous side, but thankfully i came out ok :) thankfully, but it was loads of fun. i need to still live my life. its been getting way toooo boring.

as for my knee:
monday - i am officially done with the stupid quad contractions :) it was a big waste of 15 minutes
tuesday - jogged for 20 minutes :)
wednesday - no more lateral cones :) i cant stand them. instead i get stupid weight machine 4 ways
today - did nothing special, just talked to kevin the entire time and the workout went by really quickly

i need to remember to update this more on a daily thing. trying to up date it days at a time takes too much effort and my ADD kicks in, rather quickly. i dont even know if any of this makes sense cuz its all sooo random.